Getting What You Asked For

The title Getting What You Asked For actually has different connotations. It could be an answer to prayer according to God’s timing and choice, and it could be an answer given based on God giving in to your request … and/or a person taking a matter in his or own hands not waiting on God.

This morning I read a devotional based on the Biblical history of the Israelites when they wanted a king “just like all the other nations had.” In Meet the Bible, authors Philip Yancey and Brenda Quinn share 366 daily Bible readings and their reflections. In this section, Brenda shares:

“…God has answered many a prayer for a relationship or marriage partner, a job, a home, a child, and scores of other requests. Like the Israelites, many believers anticipate this response from God and shut their ears, insisting instead on their own way. God gives in and grants the request, allowing also the difficulties that may accompany this choice. Other believers accept God’s answer and wait, only to find that their desire has changed or that God’s timing and choice is abundantly better than their own would have been.

Be careful what you pray for — you might get it. Make your prayer God’s prayer by offering to him your requests and then, with open hands, letting his prayer become your own. (p. 181)”

Many people have asked me why our adoption journey took over nine years. It was because at every seemingly opened door along the way, we prayed, “God, if this is not your plan for us please close this door.” And He did. It was not without much tears and not understanding or knowing why those doors had to close along the way. But, in hindsight, we can certainly say that His timing and choice was infinitely better than ours would have been. From the very beginning of the journey, I knew that there would come challenging days when bringing a child into our family, and I did not want to find myself saying, “Delana, look what trouble you’ve brought upon yourself!” Instead, I wanted to be able to say, “God, you brought this child into our family, now show us how to best raise her.”

At the end of today’s devotional Brenda asks: “What is the desire that burns within you today? Have you been praying about this desire? Tell God that you want what is truly good for you, knowing that he knows so much better what you need.”

The Cancerous Weed and the Beautiful Lawn

Weeds covered our backyard — all kind of weeds!

We sprinkled a weed & feed product all over it one day, and about a week later one-third of the yard disappeared! Dead. Gone.

“Good,” I thought “now the grass can grow.”

But as I walked out into the yard, I noticed stubborn dandelions still there. We had even bought special dandelion-killer spray and treated them twice!

A closer inspection revealed that all throughout the yard there also remained another very stubborn weed that grew like cancer. Its long, thick roots had to be plied and pulled from the ground. Each root had coarse, woody branches that spread out like an acacia tree on the African savanna. The branches slowly suffocated the grass.

After pulling out all the stubborn remaining weeds, I sat down pondering the view. I wondered about its relation to the spiritual well-being of a believer’s life.

As followers of Jesus, we desire to have the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control) evident in our lives  — kind of like the beauty of the grass on a well-maintained golf course. But how many weeds are we allowing to take root, spring up, and kill off the beautiful lawn Jesus is trying to cultivate in our lives?

A “sprinkling” of prayer and church attendance might kill off some of the weeds, but what about the stubborn, cancerous ones? The silent killers?

I believe that for those we have to stay in the Word daily and seek the Lord often!

^“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.”

Philippians 4:8 NKJV

Not Just Going Through the Motions

Today I was listening to a song on the radio that I have heard before, but the chorus struck me in a different way. Matthew West‘s song “The Motions” reminded me of many emotional and spiritual struggles I experienced during our nearly decade-long journey of seeing the fulfillment of a dream to adopt.

Photo by Mark Burtch

The chorus says:
I don’t want to go through the motions
I don’t want to go one more day
Without your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t want to spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything
Instead of going through the motions

For my situation, this had a double meaning for what I was going through. At times, I wanted to lay down the vision, the passion, the desire for adopting a daughter because I wanted to make sure my number one passion was pursuing the Lord (the Giver and not the gift). On the other hand, this song also represents for me three of my favorite verses:

Psalm 37: 4 –New International Version (©1984)
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Luke 11:9–New Living Translation (©2007)
“And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.”

Luke 18:7-8–NIV

7And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? 8I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”

I believe that God puts godly passions/desires on the believer’s heart . . . passions that as we delight in Him and follow Him, He will give to us.

Even if God had not brought about our daughter, I had come to a place after 7 years, that I could say I still loved Him more and trusted Him. At the same time, I nearly came to a place where I was afraid to move forward when the right door opened. It took a friend reminding me that God was not putting that fear in my heart … and that perhaps that was the time I needed to have faith. Would He find faith in me?

I did not want all those years of waiting and praying to be “going through the motions.” I did not want to look back on my life and say “what if I had given everything?” I stepped forward once again into the waters of uncertainty and said: I trust You, Lord, whatever the outcome.

Sweet Reconciliation!

Today, I got to see this poster-sized greeting when I went up to the school for my book signing!

Heart Tears

By: Jen Kuykendall ChinUP!Photography

While I was yet . . . kicking and screaming,

You cared for me.

While I was yet . . . hurt and hurting,

You held me.

While I was yet . . . unforgiving,

You forgave me.

While I was yet . . . running away,

You sought me.

While I was yet . . . unlovable and unloving,

You loved me.

While I was yet . . . in the depths of darkness,

You died for me.

Can I love the one . . .

kicking and screaming, hurt and hurting, unforgiving, unloving, and wanting to run?

Did you cry tears of sorrow for me . . . like this mother cries for her wounded one?

Give me Your heart, Lord, your strength.

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 NIV

February 14, 2012 Delana H. Stewart

Created to Be

Tonight I was being still . . . listening.

First I heard lots of accusation for all the areas I fall short in as a do-er.

As in, I don’t do all that I could do as a wife, mother, daughter, friend, co-worker, etc.

Then I remembered Romans 8:1 that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

So, of course, all the accusation was from the accuser and not the Spirit.

I kept listening . . . waiting.

Then, I remembered…I sensed…I was created to BE . . . to be in a relationship with the Father.

So, I recalled and meditated on verses that came to mind that had to do with being.

“Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)

Be kind, tenderhearted, forgiving. (Eph 4:32)

Be hospitable without complaint. (I Peter 4:9—NASB; Romans 12:13)

Be holy in every aspect of your life… (I Peter 1:15)

“Be happy with those who are happy. Be sad with those who are sad.” (Romans 12:15 God’s Word Translation)

Be ready! (2 Timothy 4:2; 2 Timothy 1:8)

Be on the alert. (Matthew 25:13)

Be at peace… (Romans 12:18)

A Movie Star is Born!

My son’s friend created this beautiful video capturing the birth of my first grandson. Baby Jeshua’s first theatrical debut!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQto_znO2TA&feature=share

 

Four Generations

We’ll have to try for the 5 generation photo when Jeshua is strong enough to travel!

Who Cry Out

Photo by Jen Kuykendall of ChinUp!Photography

“Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.” (Luke 18:1-8, NIV)

Through the years, this story about the persistent widow has been both a lifeline and a reminder to persevere and not give up. This morning as I was reading this passage again in Meet the Bible I contemplated past moments in my life when I sought God in the way this widow cried out to the judge. Of this passage, Philip Yancey writes: “The persistent widow endures much frustration and apparent injustice before the judge finally grants her request. Similarly, Jesus implies, we may go through desert periods when it looks as if God is ignoring our heartfelt requests. But in the end God himself will settle accounts. And all those whose faith holds firm, even in the hard times, will see justice.”

Are you walking through a desert time? Have you been crying out before God and still don’t see an answer?

Keep on asking…keep on seeking…keep on knocking!

New Living Translation (©2007) Matthew 7:7
“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.

October Baby on the Way

I just watched the trailer for the upcoming movie “October Baby.” Actor Robert Amaya who was in the movie “Courageous” is in “October Baby.” If you care about crisis pregnancies, orphans, and adoption, this looks like a movie you will want to see. I know that I want to see it!

Starring in this movie are: Rachel Hendrix, Jason Burkey, Jasmine Guy, and John Schneider. It is coming to theaters March 23rd. Michael W. Smith’s song “There She Stands” is featured in this film.

Here is where you can read and watch more about the movie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_9l7lEe-AA&feature=related

http://octoberbabymovie.net/

Actor Robert Amaya — Every Life is Beautiful on YouTube

 

Dare to Dream

Thought I’d share with you the article written by Jeff Newphur about our adoption journey and book Nine Year Pregnancy.

http://www.yourhoustonnews.com/friendswood/news/adoption-dream-overcomes-years-of-obstacles/article_8d96b40c-b15e-5706-b813-3a2cef95e55c.html.

Everything You’ve Got

Photo by Paula Eve

A friend of mine who also adopted an older child wrote me today about a recent meltdown with her child. She shared a song with me I had not heard before by Francesca Battistelli called “Worth It.” I’ve included some of the lyrics below (you can see all the lyrics on Francesca’s website.

Several of the phrases in this song struck a chord with me regarding the kind of love an adoptive parent needs to have to help our children weather their storms.

At the same time, parents need encouragement and support from those who have walked or are walking through similar experiences. The title of Francesca’s song, also reminds me of something I’ve shared about our own journey called “Worth it All!”

 

Love’s not a feeling, love’s not convenient
But I know love will change your life
Love takes sacrifice, love cuts like a knife
Sometimes love will make you cry
Love’s not easy but it’s worth it

Love is a hunger, but love won’t leave you empty
See it’s a language of the heart
Love can steal your pride, but love won’t let you hide
It takes everything you’ve got
Love’s not easy but it’s worth it

–excerpt from Francesca Battistelli’s song “Worth It.”

Start as You Mean to Go

by: Delana H. Stewart

“Start as you mean to go,” Trish Maskew says in her book Our Own: Adopting and Parenting the Older Child, is advice quite similar to what was given to me by a friend who runs a foster home.

In my book Nine Year Pregnancy: Waiting on God—Our Journey of Adoption, I mention my friend Claire’s response to my question about knowing how and when to address discipline issues. She replied, “The sooner you start the better! A lot of adopted families are scared to discipline at first but that makes it hard for you and the child later. At first the child receives a lot of gifts, candy, cookies and ice cream. The adoptive parents  feels sorry for them for being without a family; then all of a sudden the parents decide to stop some behaviors of the child. The child becomes confused, ‘Why should I stop now? I have acted like this from the time they met me . . .what did I do wrong this time?’” (Nine Year Pregnancy, pp 88-89)

In Chapter Four, “The Family in Shock,” Trish Maskew discusses the honeymoon and adjustment phases common to adopting older children (older being three and up). “You’ll probably be happy to have your child home but at the same time not be truly comfortable with him. Your child will no doubt feel the same way.” (Our Own, p. 74)

Recently, our daughter recalled her feelings and thoughts about the day we came to the orphanage to meet her. She said that her teacher came to tell her it was time to meet her family. Our daughter asked if it was her birth mom, to which the teacher replied, “No.” Our daughter then asked if she could stay at the orphanage, to which the teacher also replied, “No.” All this occurred just before we met her, and we had no idea that had transpired until now nearly five years later!

The first months and year holds many adjustments for the adopted child and adoptive family. “I loved that kid before I ever walked across the courtyard to give him a hug; I didn’t like him for probably three to six weeks after that.” (Our Own p. 73).

After a challenging first day and evening with our daughter, I expressed it this way, “The fireworks had come, just not the ones I had anticipated. When would I be overjoyed that after nine years of pregnancy and a year of labor God had finally answered my prayer? How long would it take her to accept me like a mother? . . .We both cried ourselves to sleep that night.” (Nine Year Pregnancy p. 91)

Of the honeymoon and early adjust phase, Trish Maskew reminds parents that “You are, in fact, living with a stranger. She may feel more like a houseguest at first . . . the sooner you begin to relax and act normally, the sooner your child will settle in. It is impossible for a child to know how to act and what to think if there aren’t any rules to follow . . . . assigning your child chores from the beginning is a big step in helping him feel like one of the family.

Start as you mean to go.

The longer you treat your child as a guest, the longer he’ll feel like one.”

Happy Children’s Day!

Princess of the parade!

I’m not sure if this photo was taken for a Children’s Day parade or not, but it was taken not long before we traveled to Thailand.

Today is Children’s Day in Thailand.

According to this website — http://www.swp.in.th/childday.html — it was first celebrated in October 1955 until 1963 when it was changed to the 2nd Saturday of January.

Water, Oil, and Soap

You have likely seen pictures or news stories of oil spills and the mess they make in our oceans. If so, you have seen the nasty black oil floating on the water, clinging to birds, fish, other wildlife, and polluting the shore.

This morning I read a beautiful analogy made by Brenda Quinn in the book she co-authored with Philip Yancey — Meet the Bible. She compares God, in his holiness, to water. The Bible gives many comparisons of Jesus being the living-water, pure and sustaining. She compares humans and our sinfulness to oil (think nasty oil spill). From your childhood science experiments you know that oil and water just don’t mix!

Finally, she compares Jesus to soap! Soap, she says, is “one substance that can allow water to interact effectively with oil” cleaning and dissolving it. “Through Jesus,” Brenda says, “God remains fully true to himself and fully true to the love he has always possessed for his people.” p. 140.