Today I was listening to a song on the radio that I have heard before, but the chorus struck me in a different way. Matthew West‘s song “The Motions” reminded me of many emotional and spiritual struggles I experienced during our nearly decade-long journey of seeing the fulfillment of a dream to adopt.
The chorus says:
I don’t want to go through the motions
I don’t want to go one more day
Without your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t want to spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything
Instead of going through the motions
For my situation, this had a double meaning for what I was going through. At times, I wanted to lay down the vision, the passion, the desire for adopting a daughter because I wanted to make sure my number one passion was pursuing the Lord (the Giver and not the gift). On the other hand, this song also represents for me three of my favorite verses:
Luke 11:9–New Living Translation (©2007)
“And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.”
7And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? 8I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”
I believe that God puts godly passions/desires on the believer’s heart . . . passions that as we delight in Him and follow Him, He will give to us.
Even if God had not brought about our daughter, I had come to a place after 7 years, that I could say I still loved Him more and trusted Him. At the same time, I nearly came to a place where I was afraid to move forward when the right door opened. It took a friend reminding me that God was not putting that fear in my heart … and that perhaps that was the time I needed to have faith. Would He find faith in me?
I did not want all those years of waiting and praying to be “going through the motions.” I did not want to look back on my life and say “what if I had given everything?” I stepped forward once again into the waters of uncertainty and said: I trust You, Lord, whatever the outcome.